God has been dealing with me about forgiveness.....or should I say my unwillingness to do it. As I have already said who I would like to believe I am and who I actually am is at complete odds these days. In some ways I am very grateful. It means that I am at least trying to be honest with myself. In other ways it is so hard. What is that saying? "Ignorance Is Bliss". Back to forgiveness. I never thought of myself as unforgiving but the more I learn about it and study what God thinks about it, I am realizing that yes, I walk in unforgiveness alot of the time. Not so much in the sense that God does not forgive me but more that I have not/do not forgive myself and others. I have found myself jumping on the bandwagon of offense all too often. And some of the time its not even me that has been offended. But rather someone I know. And instead of encouraging my friends and family members in what God says about it, I have rallied around them and picked up a suitcase of offense myself. It happens really easily when we turn to others to validate our feelings instead of turning and talking to God about it. So here I am walking around with all of this baggage of unforgiveness towards others and myself yet still expecting everyone else to deal with me with grace, mercy and unconditional forgiveness. And then I am even more offended when it doesn't happen.
I have been learning these last few months that unforgiveness opens the door to the enemy to wreak havoc in my life. It gives him a legal right to do what he pleases. That is NOT what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that I was truly the exception to the command in the Bible to forgive. I wanted to justify why I felt the way I do. I want to explain to the Lord that I have a legitimate reason to hold onto bitterness. I wanted him to understand that I couldn't let go of my "junk". Then he reminded me that if anyone had a reason to hold a grudge it would be Him. He sent his son to redeem me and to forgive my every offense (toward him & toward others) and he chose to do it out of love. He looks upon me now with such love and compassion but I also know that his heart is breaking because I am missing out on so much of what He has to offer.
Now I have a choice to make. Do I give him the laundry list of all the reasons I need to hold onto unforgiveness or do I obey what He says and trust that He knows what He is talking about? That I will be better for it?
I am still trying to figure out where he stands on opening up and being vulnerable with those that have hurt me. I feel that I can forgive them and pray for them without having to continue a deep relationship with them. Anyone else have any thoughts on the matter? I know that my God is a God of restoration and that He can and is willing to restore what has been taken. But does he say anywhere in the Bible that we have to be "friends" with everyone? All I can find is that he says to love one another. And there are some people that for the time being would be easier to love if I didn't have to see them right now.
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners"
Isaiah 61:1
I think it is time for a PRISON BREAK!!
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It's funny that you wrote all that because our ladies' Bible study was discussing some of those same issues last night. Here's what I've come to reason with on those who hurt you... yes, you MUST forgive them and the Bible does tell us to live peaceably with all men and to TRY to make ammends. And, yes, we are to love all people and pray for our enemies, but that does NOT mean you have to have a close relationship with them. Take a look in the Psalms and see how David dealt with his enemies, namely King Saul. David loved him, prayed for him and even chose to spare his life more than once, but he did not having a close relationship while Saul was trying to kill him... as a matter of fact, he HID from Saul. Sometimes to live peaceably with all men requires that we see some people less often.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I've been talking to Zora in her studies this week about what the Bible says about forgiveness and the book I'm using had us do two object lessons... the first was to hold a brick or large stone with your arms extended straight for as long as you possibly could. While you are holding this brick think about all the grudges or all the people who have made you bitter. There comes a point when you can no longer hold the brick because the burden is just too heavy... it's the same with unforgiveness. It ends up making YOU weaker! The second object lesson was to think about those same grudges/hurts and release helium balloons into the air. This is forgiveness - the feeling of letting go, being lighter than air, and being free! Just my thoughts...