The Plan

Ever notice how when you decide that you are going to get serious about something, especially time with the Lord, things just start falling apart? It seems that everytime I sit down with my Bible that my children have some crisis (not really a crisis, they just think it is) or one of them gets hurt, or the phone rings, or the dryer buzzer goes off, or they decide that it is time to learn everything there is to learn in the history of the world, or even something great like them wanting to cuddle up in my lap, or wanting to play with me, or wanting to read with me. (Right now my oldest is needing to ask a question.......he is giving me the rundown of todays schedule....he really should be an event planner when he gets older)

Back to what I was thinking. I am realizing that the enemy, Satan, does NOT wanting me to spend deliberate time with the Lord. He doesn't like it when I spend anytime with the Lord but it really aggrivates him when I set aside a certain time. So he does anything he can to distract me. And I will be honest there have been more times than not that his plan worked. I would either get off track or I would just so aggrivated that I would mentally throw in the towel. (No joke guys, my oldest is now rubbing my arm and playing with my hair...any other time it would be so sweet) But everytime I give in I am letting him win and I am accepting defeat. Defeat....there is a word. I hadn't realized until this past month how often I am walking around in defeat. I always assumed that if I was still upright and walking that I was victorious. That I was living life to the fullest and enjoying the blessings that God has promised and has given me. Uhm, Not True! Everyday we see people around us that look like the most miserable saddest people we have met. I guess I thought that people couldn't really see how I was feeling. That I was "that good" at hiding it. Well, my friends, the proof is in the pudding. I have succeeded in alienating most of my friends, I have gotten very good at playing the blame game. I gripe, I complain, I gossip, I am critical of others, I hate to admit when I am wrong, I am a control freak, I am lazy, I am sad. That does not sound like a person that is walking in victory. So the joke is on me.

But I don't want to be that person anymore and I certainly don't want to pass my baggage onto my children and grandchildren and so on. They shouldn't have to deal with my issues because I was too selfish, prideful or complacent to do it myself. I am realizing that while I have focused a good deal of my time looking at the garbage that has been passed down to me, I am the one that accepted it as my own, decided to carry it around and then added my own crap on top of that. No one else made that decision for me. And no one can make the decision to let it go except me. God is willing to take it all if I will lay it down.

But am I willing to let God in my business? Am I truly ready to be vulnerable, honest and open with him and myself? That is the question......