Lessons From Babes

The last few months I feel that the Lord has been systematically stripping off layers of yuck in my life. Some days I am a willing participant and some days I am not. But the last few weeks he has been dealing with me about rebellion. I never thought of myself as a rebellious person. Come on, I was the goody-goody in the family, class, or group of friends. But I have been learning that rebellion is more than what you do or don't do. It is a matter of the heart and will. I am realizing that I have had authority issues, follow-through problems, dependabilty shortfalls, and the list goes on. Don't get me wrong....I am not beating myself up. It is just a reality that the Lord is wanting to change in my life.

So the last two weeks I have been digging in my heels in regards to actually dealing with the issues. I have been praying and asking the Lord what he wants to do in me but was, well, being rebellious about actually taking action and surrendering. It seems so easy to talk about surrendering to the Lord and His will for my life. But I found that in order to do that I have to put me aside; my plans, my agenda, my comfort, my feelings, my strongholds, and the desire to have things MY way. It is alot scarier than originally thought. And the crazy thing is if I would surrender to the Lord then the pressure of having to have everything turn out a certain way would be off. All I would be responsible for is obedience.

Obedience, another thing I didn't think I had a problem with. But as it turns out, I do. True obedience is 100% obedience with a submitted heart and will. Not 40% obedience with an attitude. Or even saying that you will do something and then backing out. And what God is speaking to me may be different than what he is speaking to someone else. That brings me to my next hang-up, the critical comparison. Now I already told you that I considered myself a goody-goody but what I am realizing now is that I used that title to compare myself to others. In my mind, as long as someone else was messing up more than me then I was "holy" by default. WRONG!!! I could be doing everything right on the outside but if I was being disobedient with what the Lord was speaking to me then I am guilty. Not a little bit, or even a half but 100%. No exceptions. Partial obedience is still disobedience. And disobedience is rebellion. And it says in the Word of God that "rebellion is as witchcraft" Now I don't know about you, but I would never have considered myself as practicing witchcraft but that is what it says.

So after contemplating on all of this and still choosing to do things MY way, I began to see some things in my children. They would get in trouble or be openly defiant and disobedient and it would tick me off. And then I heard the Holy Spirit say to me "How are you any different?" I felt it all the way down into my Spirit that He was right. I have thrown fits when I didn't get MY way. I have said all the right things but inside I was screaming that I didn't mean them. I have chosen to walk around the mountain, more than once I might add, instead of holding Gods hand so he could take me to the top. I have shut-down when things didn't happen in my timing or the way I thought they should. And I have walked around with a terrible attitude because I haven't seen the fullness of blessing of the Lord in my life that I would like.

The answer? Surrender my will, my mind, my emotions, my heart, my desires to the Lord and die to myself. That simple. God has a plan for my life. And it so much better than what I have even imagined for myself. I am ready to be different. Not just an outward effort that falls short when the will-power wears off but a complete heart transplant that will affect every part of my life.

Dear Lord, how I love you and I thank you that you have not given up on me. I have been so stubborn and pig-headed. Please forgive me of my disobedience, selfishness, rebellion, laziness, complacency and doubt. It says in your Word that you love me with an unfailing love that will never destroy or dissapoint but instead will encourage me to be more than I could ever dream. I choose this day to trust and believe that promise. Please continue to reveal the areas of my life that need a complete overhaul and strengthen me as I walk out your will in my life. May the Joy of the Lord be my strength. And renew my mind as I read your Word and spend time with You. I thank you that I can hold onto you knowing that You are Sovereign, in control, and love me unconditionally. Please mold me to look more like You so that others may see Jesus in me. Thank you again for the hope and future I have in you. Thank you Jesus.
In Jesus name,
Amen.

Did you know...

that it takes alot more energy to be mean to someone that to be nice?

The Lord and His Grace is sufficient for me.

Now the Testing....

Well it would be wonderful if my life would just roll along in a way that would never require me to step outside my comfort zone, or face things that I would rather not face, or be asked to take steps that bristle my flesh nature. But here I am, feeling like I am facing down the throat of the bear and having to trust solely on my Heavenly Father to do in me what I know is impossible on my own. My mind says run, the Holy Spirit says stay. My mind and heart say "build another row of bricks on the wall around me", the Holy Spirit says "let me help you come undone". I can't see exactly where the Lord is taking me but I am feeling hope in knowing that the creator of the universe knows the way and that he will guide my every step. But the hard part is letting go of myself, my agenda, my plans, my angst, and claims on past hurts and lay it all at the feet of Jesus.

Today I feel like I am being asked to walk through the fire but the Lord promises that he will be with me IN the fire and that I will emerge on the other side refined like gold. Will it be worth it? Yes, I believe it will. Will it be painful? Yes, I believe it will. Am I willing? Yes, I am, with all my heart.